Danny says 'so and Steve feels it slam through him. Unexpected and absolute. The unmitigated want to push up, not to move, but to a sitting position, even halfway up, so he could grab Danny's shoulders and shake him until whatever he has of a brain in that head rattled like pennies in a tin can. So. So.So. Like Steve wouldn't tear the whole world apart for that. Danny being happy. Danny getting what he deserved. Finally.
Hadn't made calls into lawyers, or high military. Looked into Stan's records once. Looked into everything that had once pertained to Grace's civil suit. Even Melissa's whole background, once Amber was Melissa and had gotten Danny stabbed, and he still stood by Danny because Danny wanted to believe in her. Choose her. Still wanted her. Felt something Steve couldn't about her. But Steve did it, because he trusted Danny, more than he trusted anyone else on the planet maybe.
Because there wasn't a single thing he wouldn't do for Danny.
Danny. Who stood by his side. Who got himself to fucking other countries where no one should have been able to get or find him, definitely not save him from situations he couldn't even say his own men could. Who was there. Always there. The same you're always (t)here Steve had said. But for Steve. Not just the house. With his Dad, and Doris, and Freddie, and Shelburne who killed his mother and then became her, and Jenna, and Wo Fat. Everyone ever. Everything in these years.
Danny, who Steve had made the god damn hero of his own drugged delusions, because the man mattered so much and his belief in Danny's abilities, apparently, had no bounds when his control of himself was jacked. Not as a fuck. Not as someone he needed to date. Just as he was. His best friend. His amazing partner. The person at his back and his side, every day and in every way. Who never faltered on him, and who Steve would have walked through hell, gladly, for him to be happy.
He would move sky to the ground and the ocean above them if that was what it took to make it happen. He'd find a way.
"Because I give off some vibe I don't want to talk about everyone else you've slept with, right now?" It aches. Old. So old. A scar he hadn't cared about that much at all, but now felt fresh sliced. Like even this was something he couldn't have. It couldn't be his. Not without belonging to all of those other people, too, suddenly. "We need to throw Amber and Cath on this while you're at it? That what you want?"
He's not doing well, and he knows it. He doesn't want the words in his mouth. The ones that keep coming out. Catching like a foot to his own face. He doesn't want to feel like he's both disastrously defensive of them and a damn coward for hiding behind them. For being proud of what he did, refusing to let anyone, even Danny belittle what he did or would do for Danny, but not wanting to push it into the light. He wasn't made to break. It didn't break him. He was still here, fine, four years later.
Knowing there was no way he ever would have come on to Danny then.
(Maybe even, sickened and angry at himself, that if it wasn't for Danny, none of this would exist either.)
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branchandroot
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Date: 2015-11-18 03:38 am (UTC)Danny says 'so and Steve feels it slam through him. Unexpected and absolute. The unmitigated want to push up, not to move, but to a sitting position, even halfway up, so he could grab Danny's shoulders and shake him until whatever he has of a brain in that head rattled like pennies in a tin can. So. So. So. Like Steve wouldn't tear the whole world apart for that. Danny being happy. Danny getting what he deserved. Finally.
Hadn't made calls into lawyers, or high military. Looked into Stan's records once. Looked into everything that had once pertained to Grace's civil suit. Even Melissa's whole background, once Amber was Melissa and had gotten Danny stabbed, and he still stood by Danny because Danny wanted to believe in her. Choose her. Still wanted her. Felt something Steve couldn't about her. But Steve did it, because he trusted Danny, more than he trusted anyone else on the planet maybe.
Because there wasn't a single thing he wouldn't do for Danny.
Danny. Who stood by his side. Who got himself to fucking other countries where no one should have been able to get or find him, definitely not save him from situations he couldn't even say his own men could. Who was there. Always there. The same you're always (t)here Steve had said. But for Steve. Not just the house. With his Dad, and Doris, and Freddie, and Shelburne who killed his mother and then became her, and Jenna, and Wo Fat. Everyone ever. Everything in these years.
Danny, who Steve had made the god damn hero of his own drugged delusions, because the man mattered so much and his belief in Danny's abilities, apparently, had no bounds when his control of himself was jacked. Not as a fuck. Not as someone he needed to date. Just as he was. His best friend. His amazing partner. The person at his back and his side, every day and in every way. Who never faltered on him, and who Steve would have walked through hell, gladly, for him to be happy.
He would move sky to the ground and the ocean above them if that was what it took to make it happen. He'd find a way.
"Because I give off some vibe I don't want to talk about everyone else you've slept with, right now?" It aches. Old. So old. A scar he hadn't cared about that much at all, but now felt fresh sliced. Like even this was something he couldn't have. It couldn't be his. Not without belonging to all of those other people, too, suddenly. "We need to throw Amber and Cath on this while you're at it? That what you want?"
He's not doing well, and he knows it. He doesn't want the words in his mouth. The ones that keep coming out. Catching like a foot to his own face. He doesn't want to feel like he's both disastrously defensive of them and a damn coward for hiding behind them. For being proud of what he did, refusing to let anyone, even Danny belittle what he did or would do for Danny, but not wanting to push it into the light. He wasn't made to break. It didn't break him. He was still here, fine, four years later.
Knowing there was no way he ever would have come on to Danny then.
(Maybe even, sickened and angry at himself, that if it wasn't for Danny, none of this would exist either.)