It's pretty clear from the moment he says it, that letting those words pass his lips was a mistake. Steve stiffens, against him, and hesitates long enough that the silence stops being a background shade, and starts lowering itself into the room with a low buzz, before he shrugs.
Awkward. And silent. A mistake.
But not one Danny wants to take back, because he wants to know, is hungry for it. Everything that led up to tonight. When it started, if Steve already hated that gray suit the very first time Danny wore it, years ago. Why Steve kissed him, instead of punching him, yelling at him, firing him. How any of this happened, when Danny is demonstrably not a lithe Navy lieutenant with glossy hair and a fond smile.
If maybe Steve did think about this. What it might be like. Pictured Danny, here. With him. Specifically, Danny. How it would go. What he would be like. What he might say or do. Everything Danny never allowed himself, because it was too close to what he really wanted.
More than sex, because it was never about sex. Never just about getting Steve naked and seeing how his bare skin felt, or where his tan lines ended, or the sounds he might make, the things he might enjoy.
Enjoyable, certainly. Incredible, even. Impossible, even as it was happening. But Danny has always been a sucker for this: these quiet moments, after. Feeling closer than he was before, to this other person in the same bed. Savoring each slowing breath, and each accidental brush of Steve's lips against his skin. Dissolving into it, that expansive, cracking feeling.
Once he'd known, once he'd been sure, what this was, he couldn't have pictured this. It would have been too hard, left him too desperate for something he couldn't have.
That he is having, right now.
Except now, the room is thickening with Steve's silence, and Danny doesn't want to take it back, but he never intended this: Steve, without an answer, except a belated shrug. Steve, tensing under his hands. "Hey."
Rubbing his thumb into the muscles that are starting to knot between Steve's shoulders. "Everything okay over there?"
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2015-11-14 04:35 am (UTC)It's pretty clear from the moment he says it, that letting those words pass his lips was a mistake. Steve stiffens, against him, and hesitates long enough that the silence stops being a background shade, and starts lowering itself into the room with a low buzz, before he shrugs.
Awkward. And silent. A mistake.
But not one Danny wants to take back, because he wants to know, is hungry for it. Everything that led up to tonight. When it started, if Steve already hated that gray suit the very first time Danny wore it, years ago. Why Steve kissed him, instead of punching him, yelling at him, firing him. How any of this happened, when Danny is demonstrably not a lithe Navy lieutenant with glossy hair and a fond smile.
If maybe Steve did think about this. What it might be like. Pictured Danny, here. With him. Specifically, Danny. How it would go. What he would be like. What he might say or do. Everything Danny never allowed himself, because it was too close to what he really wanted.
More than sex, because it was never about sex. Never just about getting Steve naked and seeing how his bare skin felt, or where his tan lines ended, or the sounds he might make, the things he might enjoy.
Enjoyable, certainly. Incredible, even. Impossible, even as it was happening. But Danny has always been a sucker for this: these quiet moments, after. Feeling closer than he was before, to this other person in the same bed. Savoring each slowing breath, and each accidental brush of Steve's lips against his skin. Dissolving into it, that expansive, cracking feeling.
Once he'd known, once he'd been sure, what this was, he couldn't have pictured this. It would have been too hard, left him too desperate for something he couldn't have.
That he is having, right now.
Except now, the room is thickening with Steve's silence, and Danny doesn't want to take it back, but he never intended this: Steve, without an answer, except a belated shrug. Steve, tensing under his hands. "Hey."
Rubbing his thumb into the muscles that are starting to knot between Steve's shoulders. "Everything okay over there?"