Steve doesn't take the bait, and that expression doesn't do anything but dig itself a little deeper into the lines of his face, now with the additional aspect of something that isn't anger, but looks almost as intense, and accompanying those two, short words.
Demanding an answer, and, fine, he should get to know. Even if he hadn't told Danny, even if Danny hadn't paid attention or caught that word, before, that kicked all this off, he'd tell Steve, if Steve asked. "Pretty long."
Even if it's been so long, he's not even sure of the exact day, or if there was one. "Since sometime in that second year."
Sometime after Rachel broke his heart for the second time. Sometime after North Korea, and before Mary visited and called them surf buddies. That was when he knows it started. "But I didn't really get it until you left to find Shelburne."
When it actually clicked, somewhere between missing Steve and hating him and not talking about him to anyone, including Chin and Kono, but calling him every day, multiple times, that it wasn't just the jealousy of a devoted friendship, or a few strange dreams here or there, or a fluke. That he wanted Steve back. That he wanted Steve.
Forcing him to rethink everything he'd previously known about himself. Wondering if this made him gay, or bisexual, or something else he'd never had the cause to find a definition to. Wondering if he should be looking elsewhere, if Steve was just the start, if something had clicked in his adulthood that hadn't existed when he was younger. People change. Supposedly. He even put it to the test, a few times.
But it never mattered. None of them were Steve.
(Just like Gabby wasn't Rachel, and neither was Amber. Melissa.)
Which made it just about as complicated and as simple as that. They weren't Steve. He loved Steve. Wanted Steve. So everything else was a wash.
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2015-10-25 03:12 am (UTC)Steve doesn't take the bait, and that expression doesn't do anything but dig itself a little deeper into the lines of his face, now with the additional aspect of something that isn't anger, but looks almost as intense, and accompanying those two, short words.
Demanding an answer, and, fine, he should get to know. Even if he hadn't told Danny, even if Danny hadn't paid attention or caught that word, before, that kicked all this off, he'd tell Steve, if Steve asked. "Pretty long."
Even if it's been so long, he's not even sure of the exact day, or if there was one. "Since sometime in that second year."
Sometime after Rachel broke his heart for the second time. Sometime after North Korea, and before Mary visited and called them surf buddies. That was when he knows it started. "But I didn't really get it until you left to find Shelburne."
When it actually clicked, somewhere between missing Steve and hating him and not talking about him to anyone, including Chin and Kono, but calling him every day, multiple times, that it wasn't just the jealousy of a devoted friendship, or a few strange dreams here or there, or a fluke. That he wanted Steve back. That he wanted Steve.
Forcing him to rethink everything he'd previously known about himself. Wondering if this made him gay, or bisexual, or something else he'd never had the cause to find a definition to. Wondering if he should be looking elsewhere, if Steve was just the start, if something had clicked in his adulthood that hadn't existed when he was younger. People change. Supposedly. He even put it to the test, a few times.
But it never mattered. None of them were Steve.
(Just like Gabby wasn't Rachel, and neither was Amber. Melissa.)
Which made it just about as complicated and as simple as that. They weren't Steve. He loved Steve. Wanted Steve. So everything else was a wash.