He thought he hated everything about this night before, but he was wrong.
Nothing so far has been as bad as this. Where Steve is driving, without seeming to see the road, and not talking. Not that Steve is regularly chatty, but this is different, this is not not talking, it's not talking. To Danny. Specifically. Or at all.
Like all he wants to do is get this ride over and done with, as fast as possible, so he doesn't have to be in the same space as Danny, anymore.
And maybe the worst part is that Danny can't blame him, and maybe that's why Danny can't think of anything to say, even while this silence perches on the back of his neck like a vulture, starts setting fifty pound weights on his chest and shoulders. It's thickening the air, making the car seem smaller, and Danny's pulse rate try to panic, prickles cold sweat down his back and across his sides. He's never been claustrophobic with Steve, Steve's the one who distracts him from it, mocks him with a sincere intensity that makes a liar out of his words.
He's not the cause of it. Wasn't, even, when he had Danny pinned to the wall. Even then, it didn't feel like he was put in a box that was getting slowly smaller, where the air was running out.
Having a panic attack right now wouldn't help. It would just be one more shitty thing for him to do tonight, one more thing for Steve to deal with, after Steve did his damn job, and did it well, like he always does, and stopped a murderer from taking any more innocent lives.
Which is one thing Danny can say, and mean, and maybe consider using as a way to ease into the conversation they need to have, even if Steve doesn't want to talk to him, or even listen to him, or be in the same room as him, or ever look at him again. That's fine, okay, if he'll just let Danny say what he needs to say, first.
Which is not, but may be related to, this. "Good work, tonight."
It's not quite right, but it's not bad. Feeling out this icy water, to see whether he can put another toe in, or if his whole leg will get bitten off before he can withdraw.
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2015-10-20 05:13 am (UTC)He thought he hated everything about this night before, but he was wrong.
Nothing so far has been as bad as this. Where Steve is driving, without seeming to see the road, and not talking. Not that Steve is regularly chatty, but this is different, this is not not talking, it's not talking. To Danny. Specifically. Or at all.
Like all he wants to do is get this ride over and done with, as fast as possible, so he doesn't have to be in the same space as Danny, anymore.
And maybe the worst part is that Danny can't blame him, and maybe that's why Danny can't think of anything to say, even while this silence perches on the back of his neck like a vulture, starts setting fifty pound weights on his chest and shoulders. It's thickening the air, making the car seem smaller, and Danny's pulse rate try to panic, prickles cold sweat down his back and across his sides. He's never been claustrophobic with Steve, Steve's the one who distracts him from it, mocks him with a sincere intensity that makes a liar out of his words.
He's not the cause of it. Wasn't, even, when he had Danny pinned to the wall. Even then, it didn't feel like he was put in a box that was getting slowly smaller, where the air was running out.
Having a panic attack right now wouldn't help. It would just be one more shitty thing for him to do tonight, one more thing for Steve to deal with, after Steve did his damn job, and did it well, like he always does, and stopped a murderer from taking any more innocent lives.
Which is one thing Danny can say, and mean, and maybe consider using as a way to ease into the conversation they need to have, even if Steve doesn't want to talk to him, or even listen to him, or be in the same room as him, or ever look at him again. That's fine, okay, if he'll just let Danny say what he needs to say, first.
Which is not, but may be related to, this. "Good work, tonight."
It's not quite right, but it's not bad. Feeling out this icy water, to see whether he can put another toe in, or if his whole leg will get bitten off before he can withdraw.