There is nothing, nothing he hates more than this, than getting a back turned on him, than someone talking over him. It makes him feel like less than an ant, like maybe he's not even speaking English anymore, like maybe he's a ghost, shouting into the void, because he's saying are you kidding me? are you kidding me? and McGarrett, that son of a bitch, doesn't even notice.
He is fucking sick and tired of not being noticed. Of being stepped on. He was right. They needed backup. There were guns and there was shooting and he took a bullet in his arm that could easily been to the throat or chest instead, and it is all this asshole's fault, because he didn't listen, because no one ever listens to Danny, no matter how loudly he yells, no matter how big he tries to make himself. They just roll right over him like he's not even there, and McGarrett, okay, McGarrett is the worst of the bunch. He's the divorce court and HPD's bigoted silence, he's every check Danny sends to Rachel that's an insignificant drop in the barrel of Stan's millions but that he sends anyway because he's damned if he's not going to help pay for his daughter's upbringing.
He's Peterson and he's Billy saying a knight without armor and he's the helplessness of being tied to a chair, unable to stop a bullet.
And he's not listening.
"You just took a stupid risk!" His hands are up, and so is his volume, but he doesn't give a damn, all he sees is red. "Okay? Understand that. I am not getting myself killed for your vendetta. I have a daughter."
The only thing to live for, the thing he has to live for, and this jackass almost cost him everything, because he thinks he's too good for backup, too good for policework, too good for Danny, who wants to rip the timer out of his wrist and snap it in two, because there's no way, okay. It's not happening. It'll never happen.
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2014-01-19 03:21 pm (UTC)There is nothing, nothing he hates more than this, than getting a back turned on him, than someone talking over him. It makes him feel like less than an ant, like maybe he's not even speaking English anymore, like maybe he's a ghost, shouting into the void, because he's saying are you kidding me? are you kidding me? and McGarrett, that son of a bitch, doesn't even notice.
He is fucking sick and tired of not being noticed. Of being stepped on. He was right. They needed backup. There were guns and there was shooting and he took a bullet in his arm that could easily been to the throat or chest instead, and it is all this asshole's fault, because he didn't listen, because no one ever listens to Danny, no matter how loudly he yells, no matter how big he tries to make himself. They just roll right over him like he's not even there, and McGarrett, okay, McGarrett is the worst of the bunch. He's the divorce court and HPD's bigoted silence, he's every check Danny sends to Rachel that's an insignificant drop in the barrel of Stan's millions but that he sends anyway because he's damned if he's not going to help pay for his daughter's upbringing.
He's Peterson and he's Billy saying a knight without armor and he's the helplessness of being tied to a chair, unable to stop a bullet.
And he's not listening.
"You just took a stupid risk!" His hands are up, and so is his volume, but he doesn't give a damn, all he sees is red. "Okay? Understand that. I am not getting myself killed for your vendetta. I have a daughter."
The only thing to live for, the thing he has to live for, and this jackass almost cost him everything, because he thinks he's too good for backup, too good for policework, too good for Danny, who wants to rip the timer out of his wrist and snap it in two, because there's no way, okay. It's not happening. It'll never happen.