It's growing under his skin. From that low itch so something buzzing.
"Are we really doing this? Right now?" Pushing itself out his mouth, because there's nowhere else to put it.
This wasn't what he pictured either. He hadn't pictured an after, but if he had it would not have been laying in bed, naked, on Danny, with Danny's hand on him, wanting to be anywhere other than there while discussing Danny's line of conquests. How he'd watched each other them sweep in, Danny gone broad and bright on them. How they overlapped work, and Grace. Him.
"You liked her." Steve's voice is getting harder. Exasperation not so much stealing in as striding in and taking over the console at Danny's accusation, like it's some kind of actual attack about his motivations toward Danny. Like he'd been a bad for doing all the right things. "You were goofy over her. To the point of stalling case information. And you were good together." Beat. "For months." For a long time. She was. Great with Danny. Great with Grace. Polite and friendly toward Steve the few times they met. Until the end went sideways.
He was everything over her, and even Amber, and especially Rachel, that he'd never been over Steve.
Not tripping over his tongue. Not staring too long and forgetting how to use sentences. Not freaking out about his house, or his head. At least not in the same way. Danny railed about both of those. But not like this. Like Steve was demented and prone to having no clue how to live a life. But he was never like any of this over Steve. Steve, who hadn't even known until tonight. Never so big it overwhelmed everything or showed through.
Except. It had in certain seconds. But only seconds. Maybe a minute here or there. A hug. A look. Those 'moments.'
"You weren't--" It still hitches, even when it's getting fierce. "--into men." Himself. His head throwing back It was only ever you suddenly. He wasn't even into Steve. Who didn't even know how to hold both of those at once. The bleak past and this sudden contorting moment on his bed, where Danny wanted him but this is where it got. "This wasn't even a thing for you then." Even if it was slipping in his hands, why it was one at all, if he ever had a grasp of why or how, outside his face being blown off my the surprise and the need that answered it. "You said that. You hadn't even thought of this, then."
He doesn't want to feel that cold, sharp thing spreading out from his spine and pushing, sharp spider legs into his lungs. That thing caught between doing the right thing, because for his straight, mostly happy, partner, who was steadily on the way to becoming his best friend, who he did want to support, want to be happy, and the other part, where he wasn't there. Seen. Optionable.
no subject
It's growing under his skin. From that low itch so something buzzing.
"Are we really doing this? Right now?" Pushing itself out his mouth, because there's nowhere else to put it.
This wasn't what he pictured either. He hadn't pictured an after, but if he had it would not have been laying in bed, naked, on Danny, with Danny's hand on him, wanting to be anywhere other than there while discussing Danny's line of conquests. How he'd watched each other them sweep in, Danny gone broad and bright on them. How they overlapped work, and Grace. Him.
"You liked her." Steve's voice is getting harder. Exasperation not so much stealing in as striding in and taking over the console at Danny's accusation, like it's some kind of actual attack about his motivations toward Danny. Like he'd been a bad for doing all the right things. "You were goofy over her. To the point of stalling case information. And you were good together." Beat. "For months." For a long time. She was. Great with Danny. Great with Grace. Polite and friendly toward Steve the few times they met. Until the end went sideways.
He was everything over her, and even Amber, and especially Rachel, that he'd never been over Steve.
Not tripping over his tongue. Not staring too long and forgetting how to use sentences. Not freaking out about his house, or his head. At least not in the same way. Danny railed about both of those. But not like this. Like Steve was demented and prone to having no clue how to live a life. But he was never like any of this over Steve. Steve, who hadn't even known until tonight. Never so big it overwhelmed everything or showed through.
Except. It had in certain seconds. But only seconds. Maybe a minute here or there. A hug. A look. Those 'moments.'
"You weren't--" It still hitches, even when it's getting fierce. "--into men." Himself. His head throwing back It was only ever you suddenly. He wasn't even into Steve. Who didn't even know how to hold both of those at once. The bleak past and this sudden contorting moment on his bed, where Danny wanted him but this is where it got. "This wasn't even a thing for you then." Even if it was slipping in his hands, why it was one at all, if he ever had a grasp of why or how, outside his face being blown off my the surprise and the need that answered it. "You said that. You hadn't even thought of this, then."
He doesn't want to feel that cold, sharp thing spreading out from his spine and pushing, sharp spider legs into his lungs. That thing caught between doing the right thing, because for his straight, mostly happy, partner, who was steadily on the way to becoming his best friend, who he did want to support, want to be happy, and the other part, where he wasn't there. Seen. Optionable.