Not once he closes the door behind him, after Steve's already let the knob go, and walked right in, like he's heading to a firing squad. Not once the light comes on, and Steve turns to look at Danny with that strange and caged expression. Wary, like he never is. He's never been wary of Danny, even when he walked into Danny's house to find him sitting calmly in the kitchen with Reyes' money spread out across the floor. Not even when he should have been, because as dangerous as Steve can be, Danny knows he's not the only one who can snap, who can pull a trigger, or the nails off someone's hand, in cold blood. There are times Danny's not safe to be around, either.
Except for Steve, he would have thought. Steve and Grace were safe from him, no matter what. No matter how angry. How insane. How desperate, or fearful. He'd never, never, hurt either of them.
And then, tonight, he did.
He's got no excuse, nothing to stand on, nothing to hide behind. All he can do, the door at his back like he thinks Steve might make a break for it -- and he might, it's possible, Steve doesn't want to hear this and Danny can't blame him -- is lift his hands, and let them fall again, one to his side, and the other to his mouth, while he looks down, away, because he let Steve down in the worst possible way. Potentially ruined everything. Is here, now, to beg to keep even the smallest semblance of what it was only a few hours ago, before Danny kissed him and fucked it all up. "Look, I'm --"
Licks his lip, and forces his eyes up, because he's going to take this, all of it, everything he deserves. Steve's stony expression and his silence and when he rejects what Danny has to say, Danny will just have to fucking accept it, because it's what he deserves. "I'm sorry, okay, seriously, Steve, I'm so -- I never meant it to get that far, and I'm sorry I pulled that shit on you, alright, I know, I know -- I know -- and you did great, you went along with it, but you shouldn't have had to, and it was never part of the plan."
Because it couldn't be. Because he knew he wouldn't be able to handle it. The jokes and everything else aside, he'd managed to convince himself he could handle it, because it wouldn't be anything like real.
Except here he is, so far away from Steve, holding up his hands like he's trying to make sure of the wall between them. "I know you needed to make it look good, okay, but it's done now, so you can, just, you can yell at me, or whatever, punch me if it helps, alright, I deserve it. Whatever it takes."
An aborted step, like in the driveway, before he remembers he's supposed to be keeping his distance, and stills, but keeps his eyes on Steve, wide and sincere and as intent as he can be, while it feels like he's been painted onto glass that someone just hit with a hammer. "I just don't want to have fucked everything up."
no subject
In the end, in this room, there's nowhere to go.
Not once he closes the door behind him, after Steve's already let the knob go, and walked right in, like he's heading to a firing squad. Not once the light comes on, and Steve turns to look at Danny with that strange and caged expression. Wary, like he never is. He's never been wary of Danny, even when he walked into Danny's house to find him sitting calmly in the kitchen with Reyes' money spread out across the floor. Not even when he should have been, because as dangerous as Steve can be, Danny knows he's not the only one who can snap, who can pull a trigger, or the nails off someone's hand, in cold blood. There are times Danny's not safe to be around, either.
Except for Steve, he would have thought. Steve and Grace were safe from him, no matter what. No matter how angry. How insane. How desperate, or fearful. He'd never, never, hurt either of them.
And then, tonight, he did.
He's got no excuse, nothing to stand on, nothing to hide behind. All he can do, the door at his back like he thinks Steve might make a break for it -- and he might, it's possible, Steve doesn't want to hear this and Danny can't blame him -- is lift his hands, and let them fall again, one to his side, and the other to his mouth, while he looks down, away, because he let Steve down in the worst possible way. Potentially ruined everything. Is here, now, to beg to keep even the smallest semblance of what it was only a few hours ago, before Danny kissed him and fucked it all up. "Look, I'm --"
Licks his lip, and forces his eyes up, because he's going to take this, all of it, everything he deserves. Steve's stony expression and his silence and when he rejects what Danny has to say, Danny will just have to fucking accept it, because it's what he deserves. "I'm sorry, okay, seriously, Steve, I'm so -- I never meant it to get that far, and I'm sorry I pulled that shit on you, alright, I know, I know -- I know -- and you did great, you went along with it, but you shouldn't have had to, and it was never part of the plan."
Because it couldn't be. Because he knew he wouldn't be able to handle it. The jokes and everything else aside, he'd managed to convince himself he could handle it, because it wouldn't be anything like real.
Except here he is, so far away from Steve, holding up his hands like he's trying to make sure of the wall between them. "I know you needed to make it look good, okay, but it's done now, so you can, just, you can yell at me, or whatever, punch me if it helps, alright, I deserve it. Whatever it takes."
An aborted step, like in the driveway, before he remembers he's supposed to be keeping his distance, and stills, but keeps his eyes on Steve, wide and sincere and as intent as he can be, while it feels like he's been painted onto glass that someone just hit with a hammer. "I just don't want to have fucked everything up."